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He got down on one knee, you said yes and just like that; you are ENGAGED!! All the questions begin and our favorite amongst the many is…. Who’s Paying?!
TRADITIONALLY
The bride’s family pays for the wedding while the groom’s family will pay for rehearsal, personal flowers, honeymoon, liquor (Hello, Open Bar!!) and entertainment. It’s a joint effort, right?!
NEW NORM
Well, couples are getting married later in life due to many reasons….
1. Autonomy: Independency is REAL!
2. Career
3. Finances
4. Just haven’t found the ONE to make that HUGE life transition
FYI: This is not in any specific order
These many reasons and more are now being figured out by couples who are closer to the 30-40 year range, which is great! It allows for the couples to choose their wedding based on their combined finances while requesting for assistance in specific areas.
It’s all fun and dandy until others like family are brought into the financial decisions.
Tip 1: Always have your partner’s back through this process especially when dealing with your side of the family. The respect will only make you both stronger as ONE UNIT.
The top two questions we have seen from many couples are concerning the support and opinions of others.
Here’s our thoughts…
Does your family’s lack of support matter?
I’m not going to lie to you but support is everything! During this time, even the littlest of things are beneficial to the couple! If you disagree, talk to your spouse separately! However, we do ask anyone who’s reading this blog and are being asked to help (financially, provide talents, services, etc) for a wedding, to be honest with the couple! Transparency goes further in the long run rather than being blindsided.
Do their opinions matter?
Always be respectful but the only opinions that truly matter are Hubby & Wifey! Families assisting with your big day technically have the right to provide advice to the couple in JNE's thoughts. However, this is your day! Out of respect, at least provide your guidelines in advance to your family:
Bad Example: Thanks for the money but please understand your opinion does and will not matter. It’s our day! We still love you!
Good Example: Thank you for making this day possible. As you know a lot of plans will be made and we truly do ask out of respect to allow us to make our decisions. Advice is always appreciated and we love you!
It’s all up to the couple which way you go but remember, we all need RESPECT!
Tip #2: Always budget and be prepared for the unknown!
NOW!!! For those families NOT assisting, it’s a little different. At this point, only your attendance is recommended but depending on how the couple has been treated during the process…that invitation can go missing!
Always remember, everyone is not like you! I personally came to this understanding while planning my own wedding last fall. Yes, I fully planned but definitely make sure you hire a Day of Coordinator...
Book JNE!
Don’t let finances steal your joy of this one specific day. Everyone’s process and financial contributors will be different so don’t try to duplicate. Make sure your full budget is outlined with the specific owner of each category in the beginning of planning while always keeping in mind Tip #2.
You are not wrong for any financial decision you decide to make no matter your age, sex or status. Two families are becoming one and that’s the true blessing in it all.
JNE wishes you nothing but the best through the planning or the potential planning-we see you “almost engaged” couples!
When you get frustrated through this planning especially regarding finances, make sure to play Lauryn Hill, “Nothing Even Matters” because guess what?! Nothing Even Matters except for the future Mr. & Mrs. ________!